AlucardSlave

Oh holy flying-cheese, a new journal entry~!
That was quick.

Hi there and welcome one. Maybe there are two? I can't tell, I lost my glasses. You ask, how do I see to write this letter then, I'll tell you - I see the thing I want to, and maybe at the moment I do not want to see you!
Weehehee~~ so much fun to write this stuff, anything and everything that comes to mind, while not even being abusive or violent at all~! Aah, good-good.
So, I live in Tartu now. It's a... what's the word for it? Kind? Well, everyone is kind here, it's a great city. Not all good, but mostly. I recommend it to good people, so not to disturb the balance of the city.
I live in a dorm. Well, that'll soon be history, 'cause I kinda got kicked out, I think. Not sure. Well, anyway, we ( me, girl nr 1. and girl nr 2,3.) found an apartment with a sauna and a bubbling-bath. Is that it? Bubbling bath? Jacccuuuzie? Maybe... a something, don't know the word. You know what I'm talking about.
You may ask why do I live in a dorm at tartu? Well, that's because I study there now. At Tartu Artschool. I really fit in. I feel good there. People are nice. TEACHERS ARE NICE THERE! I know teachers can be nice some times, but they have usually been robbed of their humanity... their souls are lost, or they just weren't that great to begin with. But here, teachers are great. They have spirit, they speak to you like human beings and you can talk to them like friends. Examples: 1. English class: We had to write about addictions and how we're dealing with them. I talked about sleeping, playing computer games and coloring my hair too frequently. When I say games, I say BioWare. I read what I had written and asked what my mark was. The teacher said "9". I said then that I could talk more. I talked more about games. The teacher then asked if I had played Star Wars: KOTOR I and I said "Yes! That was like the est game evar~!" (that's excactly how I said it, no sarcasm. Sush! So what, I'm a nerd, I dig nerds. Some nerds dig me... that's another story I won't dare to go to) And then the teacher said "And for that you get a 10."
2. General composition: (teacher to a 4th-year student, during grading): Well, the only thing I like about this job is this big magenta line under the year and season. Really! Because I always forget what year or season it is. Thank you. Now I know. (The poster and pamphlet were horrifyingly-badly done, honestly. Even cut and glued not right.)

Oh! Today, my mother actually liked a thing I wrote. She asked if it was really written by me and I said ofcourse, because why would I claim someone else's work? I wouldn't feel good about it, who would? You? Be honest, you're a monster if you think like that. An attention-whore... a sick-sick person... I'm ashamed of being a close-race to you (oh yeah, I'm not human. Take that area 51!). Where was I? Ah yes, mother liked it :3. Whatever it was, doesn't matter to you, 'cause my ego is up-up-up. (it was in estonian, so you'll never know.)

Back to the dorm stuff. Well, what's best about the apartment is that it's cheap and it's really close to the school. Oh yeah, and no rules... P:
We'll live in 1 room in the apartment. It's cheaper that way. We're acrually only renting the one room, but we can use the kitchen too. Oh, and the balcony. Yeees, quiet mornings while sipping coffee and sitting on the balcony await. It's going to be just lovely.

But... there are thing that I have done in my recent past that I'm not entirely proud of. Though, maybe I am. Yet again, I'm not sure. I've begun being doubtful of everything recently. The only time when I don't doubt or over-think is when I'm drunk. Oh yes, I drink now, at parties. I won't become an alcoholic nor a smoker. I do them occasionally, and that's a fact. I'll write about this a year later sayig "I'm totally F*cked Up!" probably. Probably! See, I'm doubting again. Or am I? I'm not sure! Aagh!
No, I won't. Maybe I'll be dead by then. No-one knows.

Cheerios and much tARTu to you all~!

Your Mereel Klemptre

Yes, finally I've somewhat gotten used to the tablet I'm using, not that I was committed to it, 'cause it lagged very much, now it seems to be very easy to work with. Very pleasing to work with. Photoshop can be a lot of fun... but I'm afraid I will get too attached to it... not that there would be anything wrong with that if it were mine... but it isn't. Tchih. It's my bothers girlfriend's so... I have to hand it back by... 26th the latest. :S I don't want to yet, and I'm pretty sure I'll need it in the art school I'm about to attend. So, here's to hoping my brother will forget and his girl not making a big deal of it. That sounds good. Am I bad for hoping that...? I mean, hope she doesn't really need it... maybe she does... aagh, I want one, I'll work, and I'll pay but... I already worked and payed for my new speakers, and for the rest, sweeeet food~! (we don't get much food here in our home, we are starving... well, me and brother.) Mother has a saying: "the fridge is right where I last saw it, in the kitchen". She is a wise woman, but not the type who cooks.
Anyway, I just wanted to complete like... one ME1 meme before this gets taken away, this Tablet~! And I know I should've saved the meme somewhere... because I can't find it. Oh dear... well, I'll draw a Garrus or Shepard then, and not Only because I have no life, but because I love them. Together.

...Nothing really is.

Would you be willing to hire me? I'm uneducated and I don't have any skills that could be of use. I'm not good-looking and I'm lazy as hell. I'm not a hard worker even when my own ass is on the line but when it comes to others, I tend to do better... sometimes.

What could a person like me possibly do to earn her place in this society? I've been dragging my heels since early elementary and I've never been satisfied with the way things are being done. So why do I bother? I know I can't muster up the will to change myself, to be willing to do something that isn't pleasing for myself, just for the sake of getting it done. I won't change, a leopard can't change it's spots. Maybe this is it, end of the line? Maybe the world will end tomorrow. Maybe someone will achieve enlightenment. But I, I will not and can not change who I am and how I see. I hate the person I've become and can't remember the old... run... just run, far away, new beginnings are good... only when you can get a good start... when you are willing to leave behind those old habits that made you run in the first place.
With this, I ask, what of you? How? Was it worth everything? What's the long run? Why do we do the things we do, what is the purpose? For me, there is no long run, just the moment, the present. I live, that's enough for me but it appears things don't work that way...
about 80% of people do their jobs because they have to earn money - what makes anyone try harder? Where does the goal lie? More money? More things? MORE EVERYTHING!
This makes me sick. Makes me think - why would I be any different? Of course I want all the things money can buy, to make the debts go away, to have an easy life... I've had it so far, it's not Profitable. I loathe the existence of many who live for money, no longer sight needed, just a belly full of paper and fat to cover the view.

I guess you've guessed I'm depressed.
(it's a haiku? it rhymes at least)

Yes, another year. What a shocker!

Now colouring with pencils with faliure! *OMG*

(in stores from laziness(TM))

Life is going well and I am a happy person. You don't believe me? Good, I lied... partly. Here I was, just thinking about my drawing skills (I will destroy my gallery in a few moments, not proud at all) and all that, thinking I'm pretty good and then again... there will always be someone much better, someone who can just draw a line and make the world smile, hey, that rhymes, anywho, in order to be better, one must surpass all of the above of it, yes? So kill! No, sorry, Gaming maybe influencing me too much, but as I said it was a joke. This is fun to write! So yes... drawing, was it? No, not only drawing, but painting, sculpting, graffiti (yes, discovered BANKSY in my art-school), and maybe something more. I want to master it all... and add something to them, so someone can benefit... or you know, for glory. All that sounds a bit impossible at the moment with all the weight put on ones shoulders when you want (even if you don't want, you must) to get a good education. So onward, to Glory!


To different subjects? Yes, I tire of this rubbish.
So, playing games - a doom or something of a greater value, a greater form of art, literature and technology put together in one magnificent bundle (Ha, 'bundle' doesn't sound that magnificent, haha...). My gaming experience has been good so far, although strategies are not my strong point, try as I might, I just can't seem to have enough time. Dragon Age Origins is the game, and if anyone's interested, I encourage you to at least try it, it has a really good story, with plenty of romance (yes indeed, I'm a sucker for those. When lacking in real life, the virtual world will help!) Alistar is such a great character! Where are those in real life? Where have they gone? Such shyness and funny remarks... aaah... need to play that again now.
Shit, now I sound like a desperate loony-maiden. Well, no matter... this journal is about art, right? I think, people should appreciate games more, because they are just a form of art, a book in a digital/futuristic key. I know that probably no one will read this, but I need to know: What do you think?